The Rules.

Nope, not that wonderful book from a decade ago about how to "snag" and "win" a "man". Just a couple thoughts on bucking the WIC rules...

1. You can't see each other before the wedding.

ACK?! What? Who? If you don't live together, I can see it. If you live your life according to horoscopes and fortune cookies and with good luck socks, then go for it. But for us, one of the best choices we made was hanging out the day of the wedding. He made breakfast in regular Sunday-style... a reminder that we are people, regular people, ourselves and not BRIDE and GROOM, enjoying a Sunday morning. Oh and later we're throwing this big party. Breakfast, followed by massages, followed by a rehearsal in our regular clothes at the venue... all lovely. Seeing each other made it feel real, made me feel present and connected to the day's activities. Plus, doing pictures before still captured the "Oh look at the dress!" moment in the park but we got to hang out upstairs before the ceremony together, laughing and practicing and not pacing or, as one bride I knew (and was helping) yelled at me angrily, "If they don't start this wedding NOW I am going to effing puke!" Nice. And it resulted in a pic like the one above, seconds before we walked down the aisle together.

2. You have to be walked down the aisle.

Pick your battles. My feminist battle was about the symbolism and for me, the symbolism of two adults, committing to marriage together, walking down the aisle of life together, was too precious to skip. Plus I got to say hi and smile and love on my guests instead of nervously looking at John! The walk down the aisle was Teh Bestt, as the kids say.

3. The bouquet toss is fun and women like it. There are good pictures from it.

Uh, no. It is not. There might be good pics, I'll grant that. People groaning and being adorabley miserable. Isn't it cute to tease single women about when they're going to achieve the best thing in life ever, marriage to a man?!?!?! And while we're at it, neither is the garter toss. And not a single person asked about when it was going to happen. Win!

4. Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

Well, but some women like pearls better. All the work (and cost) of a custom design with pearls was worth it. Ain't it hard to be creative? Ha.

5. You have to have a wedding party.

This was tough, because I have about fifteen or more women and men I love dearly enough to honor with a spot in the wedding party. But in the end, ending this post on a selfish note, these men and women were more helpful and amazing when not part of the wedding party. They ran errands, fixed a broken zipper (!!!!), held up the dress out of the dirt, worked the room, the dance floor, the mic, opened wine, got us food, hailed us cabs, drove us home at 4:15 AM and generally were supportive beyond expectation. Having no one to coordinate or corral during the day, or during formal photos, was, as Billy says on the MasterCard ads, priceless. K I S right? Keep It Simple. That's my rule.