This ground has been basically covered in the previous two posts, but I did promise one about it. Starting with the destination of a wedding item, and then figuring out how to get there, was very helpful for me. I knew I wanted our first dance to NOT be "all eyes on us" - to me, it gets a little boring after a minute, and I wanted there to be something else to look at. How to achieve it? Get the amazing Joe to sing the first dance song! He introduced us! He sings well! He is handsome and easy on the eyes!
And it worked even better than planned. Many people have since said to me, "It wasn't until a minute or so into the song that I even realized someone was singing. It was so good it sounded like an album!" A compliment for Joe, certainly. But also proof that after a minute or so, people get antsy and tah-dah! They had something else to watch! A live musical performance.
I am now applying this theory to my life. Do I want to have a nice day? Then I better be patient with the driver who cuts me off and the adorable kid who screams all throughout lunch on the other side of the restaurant. Do I want to not obsess about a stupid thing I said to a friend? Then stop thinking about it - either apologize or refuse to let my mind riff and spin on it, and move on in my own head.
Choosing what kind of experience I want and then determining what behavior or choice will GET me that experience is turning out to be very powerful. Scarily powerful. Because, of course, it is individual. If I want a relaxed morning, that means I do the dishes at night and wake up to a clean kitchen. For someone else, a relaxed morning might mean doing the dishes while watching The Today Show. Still another might leave the house entirely, dishes be damned. Perhaps in the end, this works so well because it forces one (me) to ponder and define needs and wants, forces one (me) to make a choice and an action, instead of passively reacting - a sure recipe for unhappiness. Is this... like... growing up?