Thursday, September 10, 2009

Costco Hell.

I mean, it IS hell, and we all know it. I try to use the membership judiciously... I can get Dave's Killer Good Seed Bread for $3.59 instead of $5.29. The giant jar of sun-dried tomatoes for $8 is worth it. Buying meat there is much cheaper by the pound, and we can have a stocked freezer for less dough, allowing me to go out and do all the socializing I must do with the 'extra' cash!

And the Pellegrino: bottled, sparkling, mineral water. A total luxury. But it weaned certain members of this house off Diet Coke, so it might be totally yuppie, but I think of the alternative health destruction. Not that I need to justify my eating and drinking habits to anyone.

Right? Not to you. You love me. Not to STRANGERS, certainly?

Oh no.

In Costco yesterday. Middle-aged, loud guy in front of me in line. Cashier goes to scan the Pellegrino case. I say, "Oh, no, sorry, that's mine." She apologizes. He says to cashier, "Ha, ha, I have two kids, can't be buying bottled water, you know."

Then he looks at me with a nudge-nudge-nudge wink-n-laugh.

You know the patented waiter 5,000 yard stare, right? Yep.

The kicker is that I didn't respond, but should have. Because his bill, at the end of his purchases, which included 64 bags of butter-flavored microwavable popcorn and some diet supplements that will MELT THE FAT AWAY... was...

$883.97. Asshole.


  1. Wow. I hardly ever go to CostCo, because it seems to always add up to so much, but $883.97? Ridiculous.

    So Pellegrino helped wean you off soda, huh? That might be worth considering. As I sit here with an empty Diet Coke next to me.

  2. 1. What kind of car can even fit $883.97 worth of groceries?
    2. WAIT, You're off diet soda?!?! Daaaaamn. (<---I had the f-word but I wasn't sure if that was PigofSuccess Friendly.) I'm so motiviated. And then I do really well. And then I stop doing well. Thank god I've never tried cocaine because I'd be writing this about cocaine. Gah!