Midpoint

Here we are, just past the midpoint of the year. How are your resolutions going? Oh, I'm sorry - is that you, cackling with laughter? To be fair, we ARE closer to making new 2014 resolutions than we are to maintaining 2013 resolutions.

But at this halfway point in a year where I chose grounding as the word to guide me, I'm reflecting on what I've done this year - you know, instead of staying grounded.

• I switched jobs, from the federal government to start-up high-tech software - and immediately had to ask for time off for a 4-day trip and then a 20-day trip later in the year.
• I prepared to go on said 20-day service trip (including buying insanely long airfare (27 hours +) and raised funds from friends and family for the volunteer portion) to a hemisphere I've never been to, a continent I've never been to, where a language I have not really even heard is spoken, where I'll clearly be a differently-skin-toned foreigner visible to all, and in a truly developing country (which I have never been to).
• I chopped all my hair off. 
• I went backpacking (i.e., overnight into the woods with no outhouse or car nearby in case of emergency) for the first time ever.*
• I bought a fancy bike and started riding in the city, including commuting to work and riding home at 1 in the morning (hands-down best time to ride, it turns out!). 
• Then I rode in Portland's famous World Naked Bike Ride and was a topless (but helmeted) and whooping rider with 8,000 new naked friends at 10 PM on a seven-mile route through Portland where literally thousands of clothed people stood along the route and saw me.
• I quit Facebook, and then rejoined it to help with fundraising... and I (say) I'm committed to quitting it for good when the trip is done, photos are posted, and thank you's are completed.

I'll be going to Zurich for the first time too - only my second country in Europe - and I'll be staying in my own home for all of Thanksgiving and all of Christmas, which is (amazingly) also a first since leaving home at 18! 

But while none of this is outwardly grounding, or appears to be, I'm looking back at how I intended to use the word grounding - and all of these actions are right in line. 

I was (am) aiming to be more open, more connected, more in-awe of life and less concerned with plans, shoulds, perfection, coordinating, creating orderliness and having control. This has been, hands down, the most out-of-control six months I've had in years - but it's a self-propelled bit of disarray. I am choosing it, every day. 

I find myself pushed to a different kind of limit so far this year, and just beyond that limit, I sense this loving circle, a caring safety net, that's going to envelop me as I get to the place I want to be. I'm a bit off balance right now - going a little fast, a little hard, doing a little too much... but it feels less like bad habits, as it has in the past, and more like part of a larger plan that ends with a better understanding of what grounded really means for me - and how I'm going to do the work to stay there, where it - and I - evolve rather than stay static, or cling to a thousand shoulds.

*Stay tuned for the review of this new experience!

Every Single Morning:

I don't want to make my bed.

And every single night, when I come home from work: I am pleased and content to see a made bed.

But you'd think it would get easier, right? It would start becoming automatic? Even flossing is starting to feel automatic (three cheers for a new year's resolution finally embedding into daily life!) but I've been making the bed for almost three years (I think) now - and it does not get one ounce easier each morning.

Over n out, your might-just-have-a-Case-of-the-Mondays-blogger,

The Pig of (semi)Success.

A new year, a new you.

I initiate resolutions all year long - on my birthday, when the seasons change, on the first of any month, after a terrible hangover. But new year's resolutions are, without a doubt, the best ones. My favorites. And I let them roll on in the first couple weeks of the year; I'm not a stickler for exact start dates and nor am I all-or-nothing about perfect attendance. Once again, I am certain I will floss every day in 2013. So far, 3 days down!

But the other, current two resolutions are a bit different than in years past. First, I'm on a Facebook diet. A fast, actually. I deactivated my profile until January 31; then, I'll decide what I want to do with the site, and how. I'm enjoying the freedom from it so far but it has been (probably not that) shocking to see how often I open a tab to check it.

Second, at the advice of a new wonderful friend, I thought all last week about my word for 2013. This is the word that I'll keep reminding myself of when I'm faced with a decision - big or small - or experiencing that daily uptick in stress, the rising feeling of being overwhelmed by all the things I should do - next - now - quickly - perfectly - !

And the word is: grounding.

Webster's defines that as basic training or instruction in a subject. My subject is life - better living - and better living today, not on some far-off other day. For 2013, then, I ask: what would be the most grounding thing I can do in this moment? What decision will be most in line with the open, loving, connected and in-awe life I want to live, and want to look back on living when the end comes? That is the decision I'll make, each time - and I've already used it twenty times in less than five days! This is going to be a year of rewarding grounding. And you?

What's your word for this year?

What's New?

Is it weird to answer, when asked what is new in life, to say, "I have really been flossing a lot more in the last month and I hope that at my next dentist visit in two weeks they will notice - and compliment me on it."

Hmmm.

215 minutes.

I've been struggling with life in the maintenance mode of Weight Watchers. I hit a very respectable weight, felt good, not quite to the goal number, but good enough - and frustrated enough about not reaching The Number that I decided to take a break from the "loss" mode and do "maintenance" for a bit, and return to that last 5 in the summer.

(Summer is here, ahem.)

Well... my version of maintenance mode ended up being that little extra food each day, as prescribed, plus whatever I want on Saturdays. And sometimes Fridays too. Turns out, that will put weight back on! Slowly but oh-so-surely.

So I am staring myself down, having gained back 6 or so pounds. Plus the 5 I wanted to lose, too. Sure, sure, it's nothing like starting at the beginning - but in many ways, it's harder.

And yet, I'm still going to the gym 2 or 3 times a week, and I'm still going to Zumba 2 times a week, and it occurred to me that I'm also back to looking in the mirror and feeling crappy, ugly, fat. (Yes, I know fat is not a feeling.)

So why keep working out? Why bother?

But last week, in a Zumba class, stretching out my arms in what felt like a very elegant and alluringly exotic way, to the sound of a bhangra beat, I answered that why.

I might look in the mirror right now and feel frustrated. Might feel two steps back after one step forward, definitely feel undisciplined and annoyed with myself. But for about 215 minutes a week, when I am actually in the process of some type of working out, I am so powerfully grateful for this body and what it can do, is doing, has learned to do. And that's 215 minutes a week that wasn't being experienced a year ago, and that's 215 minutes a week that are a solid break from body-shaming. Said it before, and I'm sayin' it again: that gratitude game. It's a winner.

Light: Returning

With the return of the light - we're gaining more than one minute every single day now! - I'm working to embrace the new year, with its sparse gifts. These small scraps of daily light are but one; the whole house, too, feels clean and lean with the Christmas tree, lights, decor, gifts and cookies cleared out... these the things I've been blogging about this week, you might ask, why so much positivity, lady, when you've already failed to floss every day in 2012?

Well, I am finding that part of being in-the-moment and going whole-hog with Christmas parties, gifts, gatherings, trips, food, drink and celebration means I can more willingly let it be over - and be in this new moment filled with resolutions, list-making, a strict sleep schedule and the monitor of Weight Watchers eating once again.

New gifts mean old things can be cleared away - another round of too-big clothes have headed into the clothing-swap pile, and I find a renewed vigor for using the quick rule of 3 on all items contained in my house and closet: "Do I love it? Does it fit my style/taste? Is it flattering (on the body or on the wall)?" This strictness seems easier - and that comes as a surprise - after two weeks of gluttony.

I am sure that my Buddhist friends would just chuckle at this silly realization of mine that embracing each moment, both the fat (holidays) and the lean (new year), makes for more contentment all around. So chuckle away at me! I am in the mood to laugh with you so far in January.

Bad > Good

Bad habits are stronger than good habits. It is so much easier to say, "Oh, I'll get back to Zumba on Thursday instead of tonight." "Oh, I'll eat one more cookie rather than throw them out or pawn them off on some coworkers."

One of these I did... but, but, but I put so much work into those cookies! And one I did not; I did, in fact, go to Zumba tonight.

My mind, that old enemy always muttering at me from dawn til dusk and in my dreams too, kept saying, "You'll be dragging after taking almost 3 weeks off from class! You won't remember the steps! There will be new people, or worse, all the people you know scorning you for not being there for so long! Your teacher will think you are lazy for missing it! Today was the first day back at work, you DESERVE to skip it! Relax tonight! You can go Thursday. That would even save money, too."

Well, my dear husband graciously said yet to my request that he cook a dinner-to-order (I ordered a chicken and brown rice stir fry with onions, bell pepper and mushrooms, in case you're wondering), and I hauled myself to Zumba.

And not only did it feel fantastic to sweat, to stretch, to whoop, to laugh, to shake my booty to the beat, I came out of it with an enormous endorphin rush. What a surprise, to be this noticeable! My body is just screamin': "It's the new year, I only gained 2 pounds while off the diet for ten days, and I have goals to get back to!"

Not to mention new ones to start!

Resolution

Year after year, birthday after birthday, I announce the same resolution: floss my teeth every day. I've said before that I have a sneaking suspicion my entire life would fall into line - complete with deep, profound meaning in each moment and success in all endeavors - if only I could manage to floss every single day. (If you DO floss every single day, I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to hear about how easy it is. I probably am already jealous of your meaning-laden life and wild success as an artist.)

What's the resolution you make, over and over?

Babies Abound

Friends and family all around me seem to be raising babies, having babies, expecting babies, and even making babies with the help of modern science. All these babies got me thinking about the old nursery rhyme, and so for a little Day Zero/New Year fun, go here first and find out what day of the week you were born. Then let me know if you're indeed the correct child...

Monday's child is fair of face

Tuesday's child is full of grace,

Wednesday's child is full of woe,

Thursday's child has far to go,

Friday's child is loving and giving,

Saturday's child works hard for a living,

But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day

Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

As for our house, I'm supposed to be full of grace and John is loving and giving. So one is a goal and one is a reality - but what else are New Year's Resolutions for!?

1 month later...

... give or take... since I last blogged. I'm taking 2011 seriously; more seriously than I have taken previous years. Is it the looming "THIRTY" that will arrive this year? Perhaps.

But I decided that something had to give while I sorted out some resolutions and new habits, and what gave way was the blog. Too much pressure! Too tough to keep it up for a handful of readers, and a rare smattering of commenters. It sort of epitomized how I've been living... give, give, give and be too busy to receive, receive, receive.

I've added some gym time to 2011, and am working to procrastinate less on the little things. (The big things? Eh, they're OK to procrastinate on, as far as I see it. But letting the dishes or laundry pile up, failing to prep a lunch or a gym bag, leaving mail stacked around... those are the things that really needle me, and wear down my temperament into a snide, snippy, sarcastic shrew.)

As for the blog? It may be time to take a turn with it, and use it for the next few months in one way only... work anecdotes, short slice of life anecdotes, tales from the spiritual advancement files, etc. Suggestions?

Personal Inventory: Shoes.

Heading into my 29th year next week, it feels like a good time to take some personal inventories. And what easier way to start than with the tangibles? So we begin with... shoes.

Oft called a woman's favorite thing, I have not normally given them too much thought. However, with a professional job and princess-and-the-pea feet who steadfastly prefer fine brands, this is as good a place as any to take stock, and start a new trend of consuming consciously.

Current count: 21 pairs. This includes two pairs of flip flops, which need to be tossed and replaced with one quality pair. It includes one pair of Sorel winter boots (because you will never really be able to take the Montana out of the girl), and one pair of heels that will be given to Goodwill after they are worn in a wedding later this year. It does not include a pair of ski boots or a pair of scuba diving booties, as I think these are sportswear and not footwear, and it does not include thoroughly beat up, mangled, old, scuzzo sneakers that live in the car permanently -- in case it breaks down in the middle of nowhere and I need to walk a distance (again, see girl + Montana).

In my heart of hearts, I'd like to own no more than 10 pairs of shoes at any given time. However, even for me this is pretty ambitious, the ugly American that I am, so I'm going to start with a solid 20 as the limit. From here on out, if a new pair gets bought, an old pair gets tossed. It already gives me goal... one old Payless pair of sneakers for real athletic shoes and the other old Payless pair for cute (non-running) sneakers; one old pair o' scuffed boots for work-appropriate fancy-lady boots, etc.

So, onward! And next up: purses. (We may as well get the classic women's wear out of the way first.)

So of course... if you'd like to share... how many shoes are in your closest(s) and trunk(s) and garage(s) and hallway(s)?

Weekend Zero.

My friend Torry has this theory called Day Zero. It is nothing short of brilliant. She points out that after a raucous and amazing New Year's Eve, it really isn't fair of the new year to go and show up the very next morning. It's downright rude.

So, there ought to be a Day Zero. This next day needs to be one of laziness, recovery, making plans, sorting resolutions and eating, eating, eating. After that? The new year can start, on Day One.

This year, we (I) had a Weekend Zero... Friday, Saturday and Sunday - the 1st, 2nd and 3rd of the new year - were spent in near-total hedonism. Lots of eating, napping, chatting, staying up too late and discussing resolutions that will come to pass once Weekend Zero is over.

And alas, even I have to admit 2010 has begun; it's the Monday to beat all Mondays. Work life is about to undergo a serious change, and all kinds of excellent (but flexible) resolutions are shaping up. Stay tuned.