The Perception Gap

Just want to pass along that handy term for your next dinner party or stimulating intellectual discussion. It's from a David Ropeik op-ed in the Times, and he says:

... Our risk perception system, which blends thinking and feeling and mostly takes place subconsciously, often produces fears that fly in the face of the facts. Many of us are more afraid of some risks — like mercury or pesticides or genetically modified food — than the evidence warrants. And many of us aren’t as concerned about some really dire dangers as we ought to be, like climate change, particulate pollution or acidification of the ocean. The problem is, being too afraid, or not afraid enough — a phenomenon I call “the perception gap” — produces dangers all by itself. For that reason, it’s worth exploring just why our fears don’t match the facts, as a first step toward protecting ourselves from the real dangers that arise when we get risk wrong.

Some of us, ahem, miiiiight have mothers and grandmothers who routinely display (or displayed) bold illustrations of this perception gap.

And it miiiiight be influencing our own daily fears, and is worth thinking about - either doing more research and less seeking of validation, as Ropeik suggests, but also, for me, being aware of the very real consequences of long-term low-level stress, and long-term low-level fight-or-flight decision-making.

Food for thought... 'tis better to make peace with my daily choices and live calmly, than to warmly welcome my existing facts-and-feelings perception gaps, nurturing them to my own detriment...

It's Official

Today is February 15th... which means I can say, for the first time since I can remember, I got through an ENTIRE Valentine's Day without one person - not by phone, by message, by letter, by Facebook, by overhearing in the world, by smiling stupid ignorant face that I want to desperately correct but somehow cannot - saying to me "Happy Valentime's Day!"

I can die happy.

Your first time?

I read an article once (this is how I start 93% of all my conversations; the other 7% start with "did you hear about...") about how our self-perception is almost fully fixed by age 14. If you were a pretty girl then, you think of yourself as a pretty girl now. If you were a gawky boy then, no matter how handsome you are now, you probably think of yourself as gawky, awkward, shy, goofy. I'm sure there's an article that contradicts this one, but in my own experience with self, family and friends, it rings deeply true.

There are a few standout compliments I remember as a child. As a general rule, I was laughed at when I said things I thought were perfectly serious - observations about the world, thoughts about my family - and it was deeply painful. One I remember well was saying to my parents that I couldn't fall asleep at night as a young girl, because "my mind keeps talking to me." The Dalai Lama would find this quite profound, right? I was laughed at. Perhaps because I was wise for my age. Perhaps because I was an indignant 6 year old with very large eyes, peering up at two loving adults.

But, back to the blog post title. I remember both my first intellectual compliment and first physical compliment, from people who were not my parents. In first grade, Mrs. Estes praised me, in front of the whole class, for being a very good speller, and I was excused from the test one week because I already knew all the words. It was a shock. Excused from the test? Unheard of, ladies and gentlemen! 22 years later, I am a fabulous speller, and it has often been praised, noted, even financially rewarded. Do I have a natural affinity for spelling? Or did that simple compliment turn me into someone who began to enjoy learning to spell correctly, ever after? Will we ever know?

Around the same age - 6 or 7 - my Aunt Joan praised my long, thick eyelashes. I was a bit puzzled, so she explained mascara. How grown-up ladies like pretty eyelashes to help make their eyes bright and beautiful. And that I was lucky enough to have naturally nice lashes. In the 21 years since this event, I have rarely believed any compliments about my physical attributes - about my hair, or my figure, or anything at all. But when someone compliments my eyelashes? I am as warm-hearted as that 7 year old girl, as filled with genuine appreciation as only a child can be. This compliment came my way recently from a very gentle and authentic woman. She is a person who exudes honesty, and while anyone would believe kind words from her, being that she repeated the first thing I believed about my body, I believed it so deeply again.

And you? Do you remember your first - compliment, or compliments? When they're said again now, do you believe them in a way you don't believe anything else?